ARE DADS TREATED POORLY BY THE COURTS?
As a family lawyer, I regularly see dads who worry about their chances of being treated fairly in the Federal Circuit and Family Court. Whether right or wrong, the courts carry the stigma of being biased against dads when it comes to parenting orders and in particularly equal shared parental responsibility. I believe there was a some truth to this in the past.
Divorce and separation is always an emotionally charged time with blame and mistrust between parents often clouding judgement over how the children will be cared for. I can’t over emphasise enough how important it is to sort these things out over the negotiating table rather than force the courts to make decisions about your children.
Many dads are clear headed and understand the tactical nature of negotiating parenting arrangements and will give as much ground as is needed in order to get a good transition and stability into the children’s lives. But on the other hand, some dads come to me at their wits end suffering with depression, anxiety and high levels of stress because they can’t handle the games and accusations by the other party. They believe that their character has been assassinated and they will never be able to spend any time with or see their children.

Trying to keep the focus on the children and not on your pride can be difficult. I know when someone says something awful about me it hurts and I must contain both my testosterone and the natural feeling most of us have to fight back. One way dads can avoid experiencing the potential hurt of page after page of allegation and accusation in a ex-partner’s affidavit to the court is to ensure they make the most of a mediation and pre-court negotiation.
They say that most people aren’t good negotiators because they don’t want to give up any ground or ever admit any wrong. However if you use an organisation like Relationships Australia to help map out a parenting plan then the sole focus of the mediation will be on the best interests of the children, and not trading insults. I’ve heard some men say “tried that and it didn’t work”. May I say that when it comes to your kids you need to read about the art of negotiating and keep going back to the table to try and get some semblance of a parenting plan so it can be turned into a consent order and sealed by the court.

THE ALTERNATIVE IF YOU DON’T?
More stress, the unfamiliar and formal environment of the court, potential legal bills and the strong possibility of a Judge making the decisions about how parenting will occur. This is particularly the case with hot headed or ‘know it all’ self representing dads who spend their time in court arguing with judges, who believe me, have much more important things to work on. But the worst thing, as any dad in this situation will tell you, is the waiting and the lack of contact with the children… with a court process that is methodical and slow.

WHEN IT ENDS UP IN COURT, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
Back in 2010, Judge Murphy made a very profound statement in the matter of Lansa v Clovelly: “The rights of children, and assertions as to their best interests are, in many highly conflicted parenting cases ending in trials, refracted through a prism of each parent’s creation which contains their interpretation of the children’s best interests….. Where there is conflict of a chronic and debilitating kind…, the issue is further considerably clouded by assertions and counter-assertions of past and present “wrongs” said to support ultimate assertions about the best interests of the children and said to “justify” the exercise of rights by a parent.”

Sound familiar? One party says they shouldn’t have the children because of ‘x’ and the other party counters with allegations why the other shouldn’t have the children. One parent demands the child be schooled one way the other parent another way. It can go and on and end up dealing with even the slightest thing in a child’s life. Pity the poor kids!
Much of the time this is acted out in the court by ‘self representing’ mums and dads and again witnessed in their often long winded and highly subjective affidavits to the court. Now these affidavits are meant to be your evidence in chief but judges aren’t going to pay much attention to this “evidence” if it’s biased and not fact based.
A common misconception is that mums are regularly introducing sexual abuse allegations against dads to solely better their chances of sole parental rights. Look I have seen this this used maybe twice and it was unfortunate. It is always important for the court to take an allegation of this nature very seriously, but at the same time to ensure the evidence is examined and tested. If you’re a dad in this situation, you shouldn’t be going it alone, you need to consider getting legal assistance.

On the point of ‘phoney’ sex abuse allegations, the experts seem divided. In an article in The Monthly, written by Jess Hill, child psychiatrist and single expert for the Family Court, Chris Rikard-Bell, noted that “about 90%” of child sexual-abuse allegations he assesses are false. Whilst on the other hand, Forensic psychiatrist Carolyn Quadrio, a medico-legal expert on domestic violence and child abuse, says studies commonly show false abuse allegations comprise only 10% of the total. The advice I often give when this stuff comes up is to focus on your game plan and don’t get sucked in by the another parties games, particularly when you know the accusations are not true. Ensure you counter with evidence in your reply affidavit that negates what the other party is saying but don’t spend time emoting. Remember, once in court, it isn’t going to be a walk in the park – you have to be prepared when a curved ball is thrown.

WHEN IN COURT THE FAMILY LAW ACT HINTS AT WHAT WILL HAPPEN
So be well read and understand the sections of the Act that are relevant to you. Not too up on reading, let alone reading legislation? Well pop in to a local Community Legal Centre and get some advice and comprehension on the law with a free family lawyer. In a nutshell, let’s have a look at some of the basics in The Family Law Act and what outcomes dads should expect if things go to plan.

Deciding children’s best interests
Here, the court’s most important considerations are: Protecting children from physical and psychological harm, including children seeing family violence, being neglected or being physically or psychologically hurt 
AND The benefit of children having a meaningful relationship with both parents. If these two conflict, then the need to protect the child is given GREATER weight by the court.
The court must also consider a wide range of things including the views of the kids; how much time you’ve spend over time with the kids; whether you’ve financially supported them; any affect moving the kids around would have; any views the kids have (more weight is placed on this with older ones); the likely effect of any change to where children have been living or staying, including separating them from either parent, grandparents, siblings, any other relatives or other people important to their welfare; how much each parent and any other person (including grandparents) can provide for the children’s physical, emotional and intellectual needs; each parent’s attitude to the responsibilities of being a parent and towards their children in general; and of course any family violence involving the children or a member of their family including family violence orders.

Equal shared parental responsibility
Parents have duties and responsibilities in relation to their children. Equal shared parental responsibility means both parents sharing major long-term decision making about the children. It is NOT the same as equal parenting time or shared care.
Equal shared parental responsibility includes making decisions about children’s:
♦ medical matters
♦ religious matters
♦ cultural matters
♦ education
♦ living arrangements.
If the court finds both parents share parental responsibility, then the parents must try to come to agreement about major long-term decisions affecting the children. If you start being difficult here this can impact on parenting time. Which reminds me of the dad who was like a dog with a bone over his daughter NOT being immunised.

Parenting time
If equal shared parental responsibility is presumed, the court must consider whether it is practical and in the best interests of the children for them to spend equal time or ‘substantial and significant time’ with each parent. For example if as a dad your working long hours and wouldn’t have the time to fit into the kid’s school routines that may play against you particularly if your extended family can’t pitch in. But again it’s more about YOUR availability to be with the kids than your mothers.
Where this can be a problem the court may feel that substantial and significant time is more appropriate. This can include the kids spending weekdays, weekends and holidays with you and at the same time still having meaningful involvement with the children’s daily routine where it is manageable. Things such as a spending time with your kids on days such as birthdays or at school concerts can come into play with court orders. However with parenting time the court will look at whether an arrangement is practical. For example,how equal or substantial and significant time will affect the kids and how far apart you and your ex live. The court would also take into consideration both mum and dad’s ability to share care and communicate with one another and to resolve difficulties in relation to any proposed arrangements. And believe me things do come up and you need to be flexible and rational.

The most important thing is making sure any arrangements work in the best interests of the kids in an ongoing way. Don’t ever become deluded that now you are before the court, this is about your entitlement. It ain’t …it’s all about the kids.

In 98% of cases, kids deserve to have their dads supporting and loving them. As a lawyer I just hate to see mums and dads get into messy situations with blame and accusation games. I know many of you hate the family courts and can’t stand family lawyers like me, I get it and I understand but the reason you’re before the court is because both of you haven’t managed to work things out.
Remember it’s not about you it’s about those wonderful kids so mediate and re-mediate and swallow some pride and give some ground in those pre court negotiations with your ex. Because even if it doesn’t work out in that stage, the court will see and acknowledge how much effort you’ve made to come it a civil agreement in a difficult time when considering their orders.

Find out HERE what happens when kids don’t want to see one parent
Find out HERE what  rights grandparents have to see their grandkids

It’s a  jungle out there.
And for those of you hunting down your cars final resting place in those suburban supermarket car parks, you better watch out. For lurking behind every concrete pole and tree are those charming patrol people, ready to pounce the minute you break their car park company’s rules. But let’s cut to the chase. Do they have a right to ‘fine’ you if you don’t pay a fee; don’t put a ticket on your dash; or overstay their limited period of grace?

Well, the first thing to put straight is they don’t have any right to ‘fine’ you.  A few years ago a private car park operator, ACE Parking Pty Ltd, was hauled over the coals by the Victorian Supreme Court for using terms on their parking tickets that misled consumers about their rights.  The Court also found that requests for payments issued by ACE mimicked fines issued by the local council, using terminology like ‘offence’, ‘breach’ and ‘fines.’ What scallywags indeed! It is important to know that private car park operators do not  have a right to ‘fine’ consumers. Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped these private car park companies from continuing on their merry way.  These days, when you get back to your car and find a ticket  on your windshield, it will still have the look of a ‘fine’ but it’s really just a claim for ‘damages’ because you broke the contract.

And what contract was that I hear you say?  Well these companies have signs placed here and there around the car parks which have longwinded terms that you must agree to in order to park your car. I tried once to read one  that was placed very conveniently at the car park entrance, but was advised by the driver directly behind me to “get a bloody move on”. The terms are normally written in print so small that even the meanest optometrist would not use them to check your distance vision. For example, if you stay too long in the car park, or don’t have your ticket displayed, this supposedly  breaches the contract. The amount for payment on the ticket stuck on your window is supposed to represent the loss (or liquidated damages)  suffered by the company.
However, many unhappy consumers receiving these demands have wondered exactly what sort of grand loss was really suffered by these companies. One angry parker, Mr John Vico, took the matter concerning his ‘fine’ to the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal (Vico v Care Park Pty Ltd).      Mr Vico  wanted some clarity about whether his $88 ticket for ‘damages’  for not having a ticket was indeed fair.  In this case, the maximum cost he would have paid to park there was only $15.  The hearing was presided over by Mrs Silvana Wilson who stated that: “The sum of $88, when compared to the sum of $15 was “out of all proportion”, it was “extravagant and unconscionable”, it was “in the nature of a punishment” and it was not “a genuine pre-estimate of loss”. The end result was that the car park company was told to reverse out of the Court and never try sneaky exaggeration about ‘damages’  again.  Perhaps if they’d only asked for the $15 the Court might have said, “that’s fair enough”! Now this doesn’t mean that if you get one of these tickets you can just throw it in the bin.

But here’s some pointers that may help you:
Forgot to put the ticket for free parking on your dash and got ‘fined’?
You could ignore this ticket as you haven’t really created a situation where damages are owed.
Overstayed your welcome by an hour or so and got ‘fined’?
Once again, there really isn’t any loss or damage the car park operator has suffered so you really don’t need to pay the ticket.  It’s up to you.
Constantly using the car park every day for your parking and never paying?
For example, your windshield might look like this…

I’m afraid you’ve been rather naughty and have caused ‘damage’ to the car park operator by hogging the property it uses as its business… so you won’t have a strong case for not paying the damages demanded. Finally, do keep in mind that it is quiet a chore for these private car park companies to find out your address details to send follow up notices when you don’t pay.  Often with first time offenders, they just don’t bother chasing you. To make things even worse for them, in Victoria, as of 26 August 2015, there are restrictions on private car park operators accessing your name and address from the VicRoads registration database. Without your name and address they will not be able to issue demands for payment. And definitely don’t write to them and give away the details of your address.
That’s exactly what they want you to do.  Let them do the chasing!
And remember, if you are getting hassled for amounts that don’t seem fair you can always talk to Consumer Affairs.  You may be even entitled to take your complaint to your local small claims tribunal or Court. Oh and one final thing, that parking ticket with the red writing I have pictured here…It’s been 20 months since I got (and ignored) it and I never heard another thing from them.
I guess in some jungles, the bark is a lot worse than the bite!

Finding a new life and new beginnings:

Regardless of whose decision it was to divorce, the end of a marriage can bring about a rollercoaster of unexpected feelings of shame, self-doubt, fear, and insecurity. You might worry that you’ll never be happy again. You might wonder whether you’ll ever find “The One” – if that’s something you believe in. This article will hopefully help you with some ideas of how to rebuild your life after divorce.

To say that divorce can be stressful is an understatement. Between dividing up belongings, agreeing how you will co-parent your children (and pets), dealing with financial issues, and navigating the emotions, it’s no wonder so many people experience unexplained weight loss following their divorce.

One way to cope with the ending of your marriage is by turning it into a new beginning. As one chapter closes, another begins. Many people use a divorce as a chance to let go of bad habits and embrace new ones.

For instance, postmenopausal women who go through a divorce or separation have reported experiencing weight loss, increased physical activity, and positive changes in their health. Best of all, researchers found that the women’s weight loss was not tied to negative emotions. On the contrary, they were using their divorce as an excuse to “consciously engage in healthier behaviours.”

A newfound appreciation for self-care is just one way many recent divorcees of all ages are using divorce as a reason to focus their attention inwards to self-improvement. With the understandable levels of stress that divorce brings, make stress reduction a daily priority.

There are a number of ways you can improve your physical, mental and emotional well-being after a divorce. Physical fitness is a great way to boost your mood and relieve stress while coping with negative emotions. Your divorce also naturally causes you to gravitate towards supportive friends, family, co-workers, and other people in your life who are there for you throughout this difficult time in your life.

Of course, if you’re not used to focusing on your own self-care, it can feel unnatural at first. If you’re not sure where to begin, here are a few ideas:

⊗ Take a book (or audiobook) with you everywhere you go. Getting lost in the pages of a book world provides you with an “escape” whenever big emotions or troubling thoughts come to mind.
⊕ Visit your favourite local beach or park. Walking, jogging or running encourages you to be physically active, while reconnecting with nature soothes the mind.
⊗ Spend time with animals. From playing with your dog to spending time at a cat cafe, spending quality time with animals has been shown to lower blood pressure while boosting self-esteem.
⊕ Do good deeds for others. Compassionate acts help others while also improving your self-confidence, providing a sense of accomplishment and perspective, and introducing you to supportive, empathetic people.

If you’re currently in the throes of a divorce, hang in there. Even if it feels like your world is crumbling around you, you’ll eventually get through this moment in time. With some resilience and perseverance, you can even use it as a fresh start.
Good luck on taking your first brave steps towards living a healthier, happier life.

The Legal Eagle would like to acknowledge and thank Julia Morris for this piece.

Find out all about a DIY divorce  HERE
Find our what happens with the kids when you separate HERE